are you so shy because you have an std?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
