if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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