when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
