i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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