He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
