Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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