I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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