Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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