but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize