i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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