The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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