K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
