he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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