After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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