i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
