it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
