Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
