Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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