Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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