dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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