i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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