He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
