My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
