Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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