Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You ruined the universe
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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