I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
