i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
