I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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