i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
