you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Vodka?
Forever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
