no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
