I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I won the penis lottery.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
