woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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