I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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