i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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