even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
how does that bad decision feel?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
