Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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