she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
