were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
