Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
