Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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