Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
