I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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