He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
As shirtless as possible
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
