Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
