you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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