Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
