I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
