She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
