am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
