If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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