piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
