The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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