The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
