she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
