Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
