Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize