i already hear my dad disowning me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
