I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
