Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
