What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
