final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
