do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
