girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
3pm strippers are depressing
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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