this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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