My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize