First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The dick lei will go down in squad history
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
