dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
