Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
