he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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