can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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